Small talk with strangers has never been my particular strong suit. While I do enjoy small talk and socializing, oftentimes there’s a certain level of discomfort for me when interacting with an individual that I am just meeting for the first time. From my perspective as an American abroad, I am used to a different type of social interaction during my typical errand runs—a quick greeting from the cashier on my way to self checkout, and that’s basically the extent of our conversation. At the local grocery store where I do my weekly shopping, the self checkout option—the option that at home I had grown accustomed to—is seldom available, so my checkout experience is with a cashier. Every week, it is the same man who is typically there to scan my groceries. We typically exchange a brief greeting and he continues to scan my groceries and take my payment. I usually have my headphones halfway-in or am on my phone, and up until around my third week in Milan, I don’t think we had established my routine.
Upon getting settled in Milan, the cashier started being more friendly with me and would ask me small questions as I was checking out, like “where are you from?” (my American accent is very obvious in Italian) or “what do you do for work?” when he saw my badge for my internship. While these questions are harmless and definitely were an attempt for him to make basic small talk and get to know one of many grocery store regulars, initially I was on red alert: as a young woman, it can be hard for me to offer information regarding my personal life, routine, or anything that reveals too much information about me or places I frequently visit. Out of safety, I’ve always been advised—whether by parents, friends, mentors, etc.—to only share information with those I’ve come to know, sometimes I can be hyper vigilant with this particular advice. Upon this grocery store visit, I was a little on edge.
Using the D.I.V.E. reflection, I was much better able to reflect on interactions like these, and though small, these small observations and changing my frame of reference do help me understand the culture around me:
Describe: A male cashier is asking me questions about me, Milan, and my experience here while scanning my groceries.
Interpret: It is strange for a man to ask me questions about my life because he could potentially be gleaning information off of me, which could present a safety risk.
Verify: After returning week after week, I noticed this type of conversation is typical for cashiers in grocery stores all over Milan. After going to other stores for small things, and waiting in line watching other interactions, I realized this is a normal conversational habit here.
Evaluate: While my normal culture is a little more antisocial, I find these interactions—now that I am more familiar with them—a good source for language practice and a friendly encounter every once-and-awhile.
After stepping through the D.I.V.E. framework, I not only was able to acknowledge a new cultural difference between my US life and life in Milan, but also was able to better understand a social norm that I normally would avoid. After growing acclimated to this type of conversation, I definitely feel generally more comfortable doing things in Milan and talking to strangers in the process.
