여러분 안녕하세요? 제 이름은 사라예요. 저는 노트르담 대학교에서 4학년이라고 심리학과 한국어를 공부하고 있어요 — 만나서 반가워요! (Hello everyone~ My name is Sara. I am a senior at the University of Notre Dame, and I am studying Psychology and the Korean language — nice to meet you!)
Well, actually, my first name is Sara Anne, but “Sara” makes more sense as a first name in the Korean language, and it is just simpler to write it that way. Having two first names is a common occurrence where my family is from, though: I am the second-generation daughter of Filipino parents – my real-life superheroes in every aspect. Words cannot describe how grateful I am for all of their hard work; without their determination to follow their dreams, I definitely would not have all the opportunities I have today. However, I do have to admit that, similar to many other children of immigrants, when it comes to cultural identity, it can get a little bit confusing for me. I sincerely want to preserve my Filipino heritage while still properly acknowledging that I was born and raised in America. I never feel Filipino enough whenever I am in family settings, especially since I lack the ability to speak Tagalog, but, at the same time, all my life, it has felt like my darker skin and family-oriented attitude set me somewhat apart from my peers, so I do not always feel American enough either. This struggle with my identity has affected many aspects of my life without me fully realizing it. For example, I know that I seem to have subconsciously attempted to make up for my lack of Tagalog language skills by learning other languages, such as increasing my fluency in Spanish. Meanwhile, the first introduction I had to Korean culture occurred because, through Korean entertainment, I was able to see other Asians in mainstream media, which was relatively difficult to see in the US as I was growing up. In these ways, I seem to have been passively trying to fill in the blanks when it comes to my cultural identity. Yet, that cultural identity appears to remain an enigmatic, missing piece that I do not think I have spent sufficient time or effort actively searching for… until now.
As my Foreign Language Internship cohort began to delve into concepts behind the Intercultural Development Inventory (IDI), I could not help but feel slightly behind when it comes to my intercultural identity, since my personal, cultural identity has been in limbo for such a long time. I mean, how can I properly develop a sense of intercultural awareness when I am not even completely sure of my own identity? The more I discussed this fact with the other members of the cohort, the more I realized that, while it will be challenging, this program is one of the biggest opportunities I have to start forming a firm foundation for my cultural identity, both within my personal contexts and in the context of my interactions with the Korean culture. It might sound cheesy, but I am genuinely hoping that this Foreign Language Internship program will be the beginning of my self-discovery journey, as I begin to establish my own cultural identity. In fact, the way I think of it, it is rather fitting that this quest to figure out exactly how I fit into the world acts as a solid starting point for my senior year at Notre Dame — it feels almost romantic, like the start of a novel or a drama (though, of course, I would like this incredible experience to be well-grounded in reality).
In order to tackle my new, hefty life goal of figuring myself out, it makes the most sense to come up with more tangible, smaller goals, and that is exactly what this summer internship program is helping me do. Firstly, I will work on setting up a solid basis for my cultural identity throughout the course of the program. I plan to do this by exploring activities that I enjoy while I am abroad in a mindful manner, keeping track of the habits that I develop that make me feel healthy. I will also continue to stay in touch with my family consistently, since I believe that an important part of building my identity is remembering my roots, no matter where I go, and sharing my experiences with the people who are important to me. Secondly, while it may be rather difficult without a fully-established personal identity, I would like to learn more about how my own cultures interact and relate with the Korean culture by finding more opportunities to fully connect with the community in South Korea. I have spent some time in Korea in the past, but I am hoping this will be a different sort of adventure. My first experience with Korea was technically just a stop-over at the Incheon airport in 2019, but I was unbelievably excited to be there regardless, since I already had a deep interest in Korean pop culture at the time. Then, I spent several months abroad in Seoul during the fall semester of 2022. While I learned and experienced so much during that time, I am thankful that I have another chance to return, because I truly would like to further immerse myself in the lifestyle and rich culture of Korea. To put it simply, I may have been infatuated with the Republic of Korea in 2019, but 2022 was the moment when I fell in love with the country, and I look forward to learning more about the true nature and culture of Korea in 2023.
Admittedly, my self-discovery goals will not be easy for me, especially since I am naturally introverted and am not really fluent in the language yet. Honestly speaking, the closer the date of my departure comes, the more nervous I get, since I know I have let my insecurity be a barrier to growth before. In a sense, the memories and regrets of the many missed opportunities to make and maintain connections in Korea during my previous visits weigh heavily on me, and I worry that I will get in my own way again. Additionally, the road getting to this point was really rough, with a lot of challenges that I may return to later on, and the path to the specific internship program that I am participating in is not the typical one for summer internships in Korea. As excited as I am, I am genuinely unsure of where I am headed and scared that I have already made too many mistakes in the past when it comes to my cultural identity. However, these worries and regrets are exactly why I am grateful for this blog, since it can keep me accountable and serve as proof to myself that I am always making progress and growing. I truly do not know where this journey will take me, but I am looking forward to figuring it out, and I am so excited to share the story with you all!!!
Sincerely,
Sara Anne
