Summer Language Abroad 2023

My time in Germany so far has introduced me to many new friends with varying cultures. Beyond a deepened understanding of traditional German culture, I’ve been able to learn more about the experience of those who move to Germany from other countries. It’s been interesting to hear in what ways my expectations or perceptions of other cultures have been inaccurate and to hear how others perceive my culture. 

There’s not a more stereotypical American holiday than the 4th of July. To make up for missing barbecues back home and to introduce new friends to some American traditions, some American friends at the language center and I organized a 4th of July barbecue. We spent time grilling hot dogs by the lake and I taught a few people how to make a s’more (this was definitely my favorite.) We sang along to a 4th of July playlist featuring the songs that anyone who’s familiar with stereotypical “American” music could at least hum along to. Our friends from Germany and other countries soon began adding their own “classics” to the queue. To my surprise, I knew many of them. 

Music and food have been some of the best ways for me to learn about the cultures of my classmates and friends. Recently my housemates shared nachos and baklava with me for dinner (they’ve moved to Germany from Mexico and Turkey), during which I was able to hear about their reasons for coming to Germany. Or learning more about coffee drinking habits from my friends who are native to Germany (they always prefer a hot coffee to an iced coffee, perhaps our greatest dissimilarity). 

Almost every night at dinner, even towards the end of my stay in France, my host mom reminds me of almost the same thing—the location of my forks on my plate after dinner. One of the first things that I leaned from my host family is proper table manners, which differ from American table manners. Growing up, my parents taught me basic table manners, like not to lean on the table, how to use my utensils politely, and to generally work from the outside in if I have multiple forks, spoons, or knives. As it turns out, in France, there are some differences, and manners are more complicated.

The basics: Napkins go on your left knee. Elbows go on the table during the meal. Leaving your arms under the table is rather rude; historically, it implies that you are hiding a knife. People never cut their bread. Baguettes are always ripped. When one is finished with their meal, the fork and knife rest with the handles sticking off the right side of the plate. If one finishes, but is not happy with their food or service, the fork and knife stick off opposite sides of the plate.

Without thinking, I tended to leave my fork and knife on the plate in such a way that insulted my host mom. But, I am slowly starting to remember to leave my fork and knife on the right side of the plate.

Speaking to my host family, it’s very clear that table manners in France are much more important in high society, compared to in the average person’s life. I would imagine it is the same in the US, as my host grandmother explained that when she visited the US for the first time, the differences in table manners were a big deal, since they differed so drastically. My host family has historical connections with French aristocracy, so I would imagine that this is the reason my host family put so much emphasis on table manners. The conversations about table manners make it clear that hierarchy and class differences are emphasized much more in France than in the United States. These “power distances” matter much more, and leave a larger impact on society.

My host family also explained that in recent years, there has been much less of an emphasis on table manners for the normal French person, and even for the upper class in day-to-day life. In that regard, society has become much more similar to American society. This demonstrates that the French are very pragmatic, and that society adapts its traditions, even though they have been historically strongly set in stone. Like the US, there is pushback to change, and there are valid concerns about whether or not things should be changed. But, when it comes to changing things like strict table manners, the French appear to be more open to change than I expected, generally more than in the US.