Men are from Home Depot, women are from Starbucks
Posted on August 18, 2011 in FiM, WaW by Matt
James Pennebaker has been studying the way people write for years and has drawn some interesting insights from the way we use language. Scientific American has recently interviewed Professor Pennebaker and two of his insights might be of interest.
Professor Pennebaker noted that
Men and women use language differently because they negotiate their worlds differently. Across dozens and dozens of studies, women tend to talk more about other human beings. Men, on the other hand, are more interested in concrete objects and things. To talk about human relationships requires social and cognitive words. To talk about concrete objects, you need concrete nouns which typically demand the use of articles.
This adds further evidence that there are interesting differences between the sexes which has me wondering about the potential implications for ministry, beyond mundane ideas such as sermons should reference humans and objects. I will certainly pay more attention to differences between male and female preachers! Maybe this helps to explain why men love power tools and home improvement stores, and women love meeting friends for a cuppa at their favorite coffee shop.
Of greater interest is what his research has shown about the journaling. He has show that writing about life can have very positive benefits for most people, including such things as helping us respond better to negative events. In a series of studies Professor Pennebaker and his colleagues explored the links between life journals and physical health. Among the interesting insights is this one:
Much to my surprise, I soon discovered that the ways people used pronouns in their essays predicted whose health would improve the most. Specifically, those people who benefited the most from writing changed in their pronoun use from one essay to another. Pronouns were reflecting people’’s abilities to change perspective.
Perhaps if we get people to write about others we will find not only that it makes them healthier, but it might also make them more helpful and altruistic. Professor Dan Batson at the University of Kansas has studied altruism for years and among the many important research insights from his work is that empathy fosters altruism. When we try to see the world from another’s perspective and seek to understand their life challenges, we tend to be much more altruistic. So journaling might make us healthier, more helpful, and it just might foster flourishing as well!
We hope that you are flourishing
Matt Bloom and the FiM team
If men are from Home Depot and women are from Starbucks, why do I, as a man, prefer going to Starbucks over Home Depot?
I’m a female who loves Home Depot, and I generally only go to places like Starbucks if I am alone and need an internet connection. Because of this, I’ve always spent a lot of time with my male relatives and male friends, although I do have female friends and close familial relationships as well.
Perhaps at times we think that conversation is the most important human interaction, and we overlook the importance of quiet presence in male interactions. In a 6-hour fishing trip, two men may sit and talk about nothing, or one of them may open up and talk about something very deep (certainly talking about “people”, likely talking about their own lives, relationships, and the ontological question). The silence of the small fishing boat is nearly the silence of a Quaker meeting. And there are many other areas of a “home depot” man’s life where this sort of covenant group may form…in a truck cab, deer blind, wood shop, on the back porch, or at the local McDonald’s at 6am every day. For them, conversation is not the reason for coming together, but just being together–it doesn’t matter if the fish are biting, they had a great day.
As a man in the ministry of hospital chaplaincy and CPE supervision, I came to recognize early in life that I am different from most of my male peers. I remember reading Carol Guilligan’s (sp.?) book in college and thinking, “my development was more like most woman that men.” An example is that I was more concerned about the person(s)who were going to be picked last in creating the teams of a baseball game than I was about winning. What I’ve noticed is that most male hospital chaplains are more like me, focused on relationships and leading with a desire to understand and empathize with others. Ironically, one of the most important pieces of self care is going to Menard’s or Home Depot and doing some concrete fixing and improvements around the house. I may sneak off to Caribou Coffee to meet some friend beforehand though.