So I don’t think anything that I am going to say in the week’s post is something that we all haven’t thought about already. As it was pointed out in our last class, the momentum of the conversations has dwindled. The purpose of this blog post is to try to illuminate and put words behind what we are feeling in class to give reason to this “dwindle,” while trying to incorporate what the class readings have to do with it. Please don’t mistake this blog post for putting words in your mouth or thoughts in your head. I am writing this based on my observations and my own opinions. I am aware that our blog posts are meant to reflect Noir but I also think that the health of our conversations is something that should be addressed to keep this class fun and stimulate ideas that can contribute to this study.
This idea right here, trying to contribute to something greater, has to do with the problem. We are placing pressure on ourselves to say something so new, so fresh, and so niche to sound smart. I don’t think its to prove to others that we are brilliant students, but to prove to ourselves that we are capable of keeping up just fine. If we don’t have a new cool idea to share we choose to stay quiet because we were wired to believe that is the only thing that defines our worth as scholars. We shouldn’t have to have this worry just like “Trick Baby” doesn’t need to have a designated purpose. It is enough that we are trying to understand a world that is so different from ours today no matter how explicit. Just like it is enough for “Trick Baby” to just want to be proof of people’s existence.
I am a 2nd year English major so my experience in studying literature doesn’t compare to the seniors in the class pr our wonderful only grad student; however, I think it is fair for me to say that every single one of us, no matter the major and especially when we were in high school, has had our academic career built by studying white man’s literature. And this has had an effect on how we view every single thing we consume. We are trying to find what makes “Trick Baby” or “Sweet Sweetback’s Baadasssss Song” literary canon. When we forget that literary canon, as defined by a quick google search, is “the body of high culture literature, music, philosophy, and works of art that is highly valued in the West: works that have achieved the status of classics.” It is not fair for us to view these books and compare them to classics when classics were made by people that had different experiences than these characters and authors of the books we are reading. We grasp onto themes like nostalgia, descent into darkness, and femme fatale to define everything that we read and will continue to read for this class. The problem is that these themes don’t include everything and I can see how that is a reason for our struggle in communicating. However, I don’t think these are all the reasons for our silence.
The themes mentioned previously can’t answer everything that this field of study has to offer but when trying to broaden this idea of Noir our ability to understand it brings the question of: how do we rewire our brains to appreciate these books for what they are? I think we all have an idea of how to answer this question but since the content that we have read is so explicit we feel like we can’t add anything, and if we do add anything we are afraid that this thought will be challenged and we are unable to defend our opinions. This lack of defense or justification scares us into silence. We are the generation that was raised believing we are the “gifted and talented” and that our worth relies on our brains so when challenged sends us into a spiral of doubt, fear, and anger. The culture that we are brought up in has made us overly cautious of what we say and I am not saying that is a bad thing but I know for me as someone that can’t relate to the characters, I fear that I may say something that is insensitive and ignorant which contributes to the feeling of I have no place to say something. I know that I am not the only one who feels this. I don’t have a full solution to these problems and I may be leaving something out that is crucial to solving this, so please share your own ideas in the comments.
I really appreciate your comment because it touches on a lot of things I was feeling, whether or not I had been able to put it into words yet. I have always felt confident in English class, and each text I read would build up my personal library of things I could draw on, make connections between, and pull out allusions for. However, this class is so unlike anything I have ever read, except for maybe my brief Nancy Drew phase when I was 9. I have no background in this, and I feel like I am treading water in an ocean of ignorance. I spend so much time trying to figure out what is going on in the texts that I have no time to pull out anything worth discussing. I certainly have nothing to back up my observations, because I have no background in these types of text or life experience. I sit in class and listen and hope to catch up, but with each week I feel like I am further away from understanding.