Category: Uncategorized

Have you ever hit by a giant wave of helplessness that you just shut yourself down so that you can even function? Or felt guilty because the only way you can hold it together and keep going is to “avoid” being exposed to all the news about the biggest disaster that literally torn down 10 cities of your beloved country and caused over 31,000 people to die. Not even mentioning millions of people who lost everything they have overnight and are trying to survive the harshest winter conditions and they are reliant on other people to help them.

I can not find words to express the emotional deadlock that I have been in during the past week. I am going back and forth between feeling sad, frusturated, and helpless and trying to continue my daily routines just to keep sane. I even feel guilty now that I am writing this post and talking about my feelings while people are fighting for their lives. I know that good things are happening and people were brought together by this disaster, but, recovering from it will take a long time and we will never be healed completely.

There is so much more to say and nothing to say at the same time while everything seems meaningless. I am just very sorry for the people who lost their lives, their loved ones, and their everything within 2 minutes…

Today was my grandparents’ 62nd wedding anniversary. That was the first thing in my mind when I woke up. Unfortunately, I could not celebrate them, because they are no longer with us. That is why I wanted to write this post, to remember and celebrate!

My grandpa passed away in December 2021. He was diagnosed with lung cancer in October and was receiving treatment in the hospital when he passed. He was 85 years old. His family and loved ones were by his side until he passed away, and I tried to call and talk with him everyday. He was a very special person. He couldn’t stand anything that was not working and would fix it immediately:) He was a poet and an author. He was an agricultural engineer by training and loved the nature, and gardening. He read a lot of books and could speak French. I regret that I did not talk with him more and learn from him.

My grandma passed away a couple months after my grandpa did, in April 2022. I was very fortunate to have a chance to see her in person a week before her passing. I talked with her on the phone the day she died, without knowing that would be the last time. Her passing was very sudden and unexpected. She died happily while laughing and being with family. I consider myself very lucky to have made that call that day and talk with her one last time. It still feels unreal that she is no longer with us. Although she was 82, she was a very healthy and active woman. Also, she cooked the best food:) We would love talking about TV shows:) I wish that I called her more often and learn more about her life experiences as well as the recipes of her delicious meals.

This year has thought me that life is very short and you never know when you can lose someone. Since then, I try to be more kind to others and try not to break anyone’s heart, because I might not have a chance to repair it. I try to spend more time with my family and loved ones, knowing that those memories will be the ones I remember and cherish. In our daily rush and busy working schedule we tend to forget that we only have one life and it will end one day. So, I am asking you to please remind your self what/who is important, take better care of yourself and spend quality time with your families and loved ones.

Dear Grandma and Grandpa, I hope you are happy and in peace wherever you are. I hope you are looking down and proud of me. I sure am very proud and lucky to be your granddaughter. I love you and miss you so much!