A lot of people act surprised when I tell them I’ve never seen Star Trek or Star Wars. They say things like, “I feel like you would get that reference.” The same is true for some comics, massive online video games, or the standard comp-sci TV shows (think Silicon Valley, Big Bang Theory, Rick and Morty). The thought is, if you study Computer Science, you probably fit the archetype: pasty kid wearing a hoodie, socially inept, staying up late into the night glaring at a terminal window, junk food wrappers surrounding. That’s never been an image I’ve wanted to emulate, despite enjoying coding. In fact, I almost always actively reject “nerd culture” whenever it pops up—a visceral reaction.
Much of this comes from a profound desire to be seen as more than a single label—more than just a photographer, more than just a Computer Science major, more than just “the Red Bag guy.” These are parts of me, but not all of me.
There’s a delicate balance here, however, and I’m aware that I cannot have it all. On my first day at Google, I found myself vastly overmatched. My peers were discussing machine learning projects they had developed to improve compression algorithms, comparing their contributions to NPM or IEEE, and voicing their annoyances with near-native apps built in JavaScript. I felt like I had little to contribute on these fronts. Even my excitement and conversational contribution in self-driving cars was quickly shot down as “not the area where computationally-heavy computer science was making gains.”
Suddenly, a concept I had mocked so much before (having heard it mentioned dozens of times) became much more real: imposter syndrome. I didn’t feel like I fit in. All these people had clearly subscribed to Computer Science and the entire culture surrounding it. They were hosting “Rick and Morty” watches and competing on HackerRank. Was I not fit for this industry?
A lot can change in three weeks, and it was after that time I met and began to hang out with new, interesting, and fun people. I found a group of interns who played sand volleyball each week and went indoor skydiving with others. I saw there were people at work who didn’t spend all day in front of the screen and enjoyed going to the beach on weekends. I realized many of the intimidating topics of conversation on the first day of work were purposefully ostentatious and actually rather shallow. Like me, people had a desire to just fit in.
I think the term “hacker culture” needs a new name and a better definition. It should emphasize individuality more and do away with the negative connotation of “hacking.” I want people to see computer scientists in every field, with lots of interests, unified by one desire to be a little crazy. Don’t box people in to nerdy cultural norms. The only way we can draw more world-changing people to our field is by creating a vision of an inclusive culture.