Author: mbyrne22

I really enjoyed my French lessons at the Institut de Touraine, which helped me to improve my French and gave me the opportunity to meet other students learning French. I loved the adventures I had exploring the Loire Valley and France with a couple other Notre Dame students who were also staying in Tours. This gave me the chance to learn about French culture and practice language skills with locals. Despite all this, living with my host family was probably the most significant part of my trip, and the part that left the biggest lasting impact. Our nightly dinners helped me practice my spoken language skills (which I struggled with the most in the classroom). This gave me the chance to ask questions, and experience French life. Looking back to my first post, one of the things I really wanted to do was learn about day-to-day life in France. Through our conversations, I was able to learn about their opinions on current events and politics happening in France, and about their lives. At the same time, my host mom had lots of questions about my life in the US, and we shared photos and stories, in addition to helping each other with learning French (for me) or English (for my host mom). I found it interesting how I was not the only one interested in learning about another culture.

Almost every night at dinner, even towards the end of my stay in France, my host mom reminds me of almost the same thing—the location of my forks on my plate after dinner. One of the first things that I leaned from my host family is proper table manners, which differ from American table manners. Growing up, my parents taught me basic table manners, like not to lean on the table, how to use my utensils politely, and to generally work from the outside in if I have multiple forks, spoons, or knives. As it turns out, in France, there are some differences, and manners are more complicated.

The basics: Napkins go on your left knee. Elbows go on the table during the meal. Leaving your arms under the table is rather rude; historically, it implies that you are hiding a knife. People never cut their bread. Baguettes are always ripped. When one is finished with their meal, the fork and knife rest with the handles sticking off the right side of the plate. If one finishes, but is not happy with their food or service, the fork and knife stick off opposite sides of the plate.

Without thinking, I tended to leave my fork and knife on the plate in such a way that insulted my host mom. But, I am slowly starting to remember to leave my fork and knife on the right side of the plate.

Speaking to my host family, it’s very clear that table manners in France are much more important in high society, compared to in the average person’s life. I would imagine it is the same in the US, as my host grandmother explained that when she visited the US for the first time, the differences in table manners were a big deal, since they differed so drastically. My host family has historical connections with French aristocracy, so I would imagine that this is the reason my host family put so much emphasis on table manners. The conversations about table manners make it clear that hierarchy and class differences are emphasized much more in France than in the United States. These “power distances” matter much more, and leave a larger impact on society.

My host family also explained that in recent years, there has been much less of an emphasis on table manners for the normal French person, and even for the upper class in day-to-day life. In that regard, society has become much more similar to American society. This demonstrates that the French are very pragmatic, and that society adapts its traditions, even though they have been historically strongly set in stone. Like the US, there is pushback to change, and there are valid concerns about whether or not things should be changed. But, when it comes to changing things like strict table manners, the French appear to be more open to change than I expected, generally more than in the US.

A few weeks into my stay in Tours, I have continued to notice subtle differences between the lifestyles of the Americans and the French. One random difference that I certainly didn’t expect is that the French really seem to like fresh-pressed orange juice. Many cafés in Tours serve fresh-pressed orange juice. Even when visiting Versailles, there were carts that served fresh-pressed orange juice around every turn. And, my host mom served fresh-pressed orange juice almost every morning for breakfast.

Before continuing with discussion of orange juice, I would like to revisit an idea I touched on in a previous post. One of the most significant differences I have noticed between France and the United States is the overall lifestyle, particularly regarding meals. Meals with my host family have been one of my favorite parts of my experience in Tours. Dinners usually begin around 8 or 8:30, and tend to go until around 10 (sometimes even later!). I can tell that my host family views dinner as a marker of the end of the day; after dinner, everyone goes to bed. Dinner is a time to unwind, converse, and relax. Through these dinners, I have gotten to practice my French a lot (I think they have even helped me improve more than my French classes), while learning a lot about my host family through their crazy stories of things that happened when they were young and the teasing jokes that have developed between them and those of us staying with them.

My host mom is a self-proclaimed night owl (she likes to paint at night), so breakfasts work a little differently. After my first breakfast, my host mom showed me around the kitchen, pointing out where different things were, so that I could assemble my own breakfast, based on what I liked. She would leave out certain things, but I knew to grab things from the fridge or pantry.

A few days into my first week, my host mom wanted to have a conversation with me about breakfast (at this point, this was definitely a very big struggle, since we didn’t know each other well yet, and the language barrier was very prevalent). Still holding the stereotype that the French don’t really like Americans since we are not known to make an effort to speak other languages (which was proven very quickly to be very wrong!), I assumed that I had violated some unspoken rule. It became clear quickly that she was confused why I hadn’t taken up her offer on making myself fresh-pressed orange juice every morning. She had shown me the orange juicer, and told me it was an option, but I had never made orange juice for myself. In the morning, I usually had a couple pieces of toasted baguette with jam or Nutella and perhaps some fruit, before I booked it out the door.

I have never been a morning person, or a big breakfast person. My family, and most of my friends are the same way. I am used to not being hungry in the morning, so I only grab something small that I eat quickly; I almost never have a big sit-down breakfast (this has been the case since elementary school). I even have a lot of friends at Notre Dame who never eat breakfast at all. Similar to dinners with my host family, breakfast normally involves a sit-down meal, with multiple parts, something I am not used to. Because I grab my own breakfasts in the morning (my host dad leaves for work early and my host mom sleeps in a bit later), I was not having big sit-down breakfasts, like they are used to.

My host mom was most concerned that I did not like the breakfast options (which was not at all the case), and, mostly, did I not like fresh-pressed orange juice? She wanted to make sure I knew how to use the juicer, and that I could make it. I explained that, yes, I liked fresh-pressed orange juice, but I do not usually have a big breakfast or enough time in the morning to make myself orange juice (constantly being surrounded by another language is great for learning but also exhausting, and I really value my sleep!). I explained how I am just not a big breakfast person.

The misunderstanding was cleared up very quickly, and my host mom and I both shifted how we did breakfasts. In order to make sure I was drinking fresh-pressed orange juice in the morning, she would often make it the night before. I also made an effort to eat a bigger sit-down breakfast, occasionally with my host mom. I know my host family a lot more now, and I now know that I should not be afraid to have a conversation with them to clear up any misconceptions, since they are great people who have my best interests in my mind.

I am certainly going to miss my host family and our late night dinner conversations when I go home, and, of course, the daily glass of fresh-pressed orange juice!

In my French class last week, we had a conversation about stereotypes. This was especially interesting, since there were students in my class from different parts of the US, Japan, Switzerland, and Russia, in addition to my French professor. She first asked us what stereotypes we had about the French, before we moved on to stereotypes we had about each others’ countries. She also asked us about what we expected the stereotypes to be for our countries. Many of the stereotypes that I expected others to have about Americans were stereotypes that they did have. For example, there were the stereotypes that Americans are loud, in the way, overweight, unhealthy, and think we are the best (for the other students, many of these came from television, movies, and the news). However, they also had more positive stereotypes about Americans as well, which surprised me. My professor said that, in her experience from seeing American tourists, Americans always smile and get excited about little things. She used the example of seeing an interesting flower—an American would point it out, get excited, and take a photo, while a French person would look at it, shrug, and move on. Another of her stereotypes was that American students always love “pain au chocolat,” which definitely holds true, as all the Americans in the class agreed.

The Americans in the class brought up the stereotypes that Americans do not try to learn other languages. My professor didn’t fully agree with this stereotype; she seemed to think that most Americans make some effort to speak a little French when they visit. A Swiss girl in my class made a comment that I found very interesting. She said that a stereotype the Swiss have about the French is that the French do not try to learn other languages. In the discussion that followed, I learned that other Europeans view the French as people who do not make an effort to learn languages other than French. Most Americans, myself included, view Europeans as being very multilingual in comparison with Americans, so seeing another perspective of a stereotype Americans usually reserve for Americans being projected towards another group was interesting. The big difference here was being a European versus an American; we had varying stereotypes towards the French.

I also discussed American stereotypes with my host family. Their perspectives were interesting to compare. My host dad and host grandma lived in the US for a long time, though have primarily lived in France. They still have a lot of family in the US. My host mom, on the other hand, has never been to the US. My host dad, having lived in the US, disagreed with the stereotype that Americans are always unhealthy (though he did think Americans eat a lot of “McDo”). After living in the US, he talked about how Americans put a lot of emphasis into working out and eating vegetables, especially compared to the French. My host mom shared the assumption of my class, that Americans were unhealthy. I was surprised that my host dad’s opinion would differ , but it makes sense given he lived in the US for a time, and his opinions were not only formed through watching TV. For my host mom, she viewed the US in the same way that it has historically been viewed—as a land of opportunity. She felt that it is easier in the US to move up in social status and income group, and to lead a better life. My host mom has had a successful life in France, so I found it interesting that she held this view towards the US, especially since many Americans view Europe as better. But through what she had seen in both media, through her husband’s experiences, and with Americans she interacted with, she felt that the US offers more chances for one to better their life.

After learning about the stereotypes people have toward Americans, I found that they do generally align with what Americans expect them to be. The connotation is what differs the most. For example, Americans (myself included) expect Americans to be viewed as very loud and easily excitable. Americans usually view this as a solely negative thing. In my experience, Americans are louder than the French. And this is sometimes seen as annoying, but many French also view Americans as being very friendly. I was shopping with a friend in a small boutique, and the saleslady asked where we were from. When we said the US, her response was very positive, and she commented on how she likes to chat with Americans because Americans are always very friendly and talkative. While some of the negative stereotypes of Americans certainly are true, the French and those from other countries do not view Americans as negatively as most Americans would expect.