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Cultural Perceptions

My time in Germany so far has introduced me to many new friends with varying cultures. Beyond a deepened understanding of traditional German culture, I’ve been able to learn more about the experience of those who move to Germany from other countries. It’s been interesting to hear in what ways my expectations or perceptions of other cultures have been inaccurate and to hear how others perceive my culture. 

There’s not a more stereotypical American holiday than the 4th of July. To make up for missing barbecues back home and to introduce new friends to some American traditions, some American friends at the language center and I organized a 4th of July barbecue. We spent time grilling hot dogs by the lake and I taught a few people how to make a s’more (this was definitely my favorite.) We sang along to a 4th of July playlist featuring the songs that anyone who’s familiar with stereotypical “American” music could at least hum along to. Our friends from Germany and other countries soon began adding their own “classics” to the queue. To my surprise, I knew many of them. 

Music and food have been some of the best ways for me to learn about the cultures of my classmates and friends. Recently my housemates shared nachos and baklava with me for dinner (they’ve moved to Germany from Mexico and Turkey), during which I was able to hear about their reasons for coming to Germany. Or learning more about coffee drinking habits from my friends who are native to Germany (they always prefer a hot coffee to an iced coffee, perhaps our greatest dissimilarity). 

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Don’t Let the Bed Bugs Bite! DIVE Reflection

Awkward situations are never fun, especially when communicating in the uncomfortableness and unfamiliarity of a foreign language. In considering an interaction to complete the DIVE exercise and reflect in a more objective lens a recent subjective experience, my mind immediately goes to moving out early from my hostess’ house. 

For context, while I was visiting Versailles for a weekend, I received a text message from my roommates that bed bugs were found in the apartment. Over text, we agreed that we had to move out of the house, yet none of us had told our hostess that we were leaving the house–that burden fell on me as the most comfortable French speaker of the group. Nobody likes difficult and confrontational situations, but I’m especially a person who avoids them. Usually, I’ll wait until someone speaks for me or just continue on and never say anything. But in this situation, it was all on me to take charge in the situation, state my intention to move out, and just deal with the awkwardness and walk out. 

When I returned to the house, our hostess–to my surprise–wasn’t home. I went upstairs to my room, quickly packed all my things, and prepared for how to tell my hostess that I–we–had to move out. I was paralyzed in my room and couldn’t move to tell her. But then suddenly, the conversation confronted me as she entered my room out of nowhere and saw all my bags packed up. I had to explain to her that with bed bugs found in the house, I needed to move out. 

With shocked eyes, and a tone of frustration and anger mixed with dejection, the old woman just kept repeating, “Pourquoi tu pars? Ton lit, c’est propre. Je comprends pas.” (“Why are you leaving? Your bed is clean. I don’t understand.” ) I’m still unsure if she was saying that to me or to herself. 

In the heat of the moment, with my stress levels boiling, I just grabbed my bags and had to get out; on the walk to my hotel for the night, I just kept thinking “she’s crazy.” In the moment, I had to compartmentalize and simplify the interaction to get through it. But with some days and reflection (aka DIVE) I developed a better understanding of her situation. 

As an older woman, my hostess welcomed us as international students into her house to meet people from around the world and gain some income without working. With our leaving, she was losing the people she cared for and hosted for a few weeks and the means of income for a bit of time.

Understanding the situation better brought some peace to me and means I can continue to move forward with my time in France, sure of my actions and the character of my hostess. 

Me exploring Le Chateau de Versailles (repping Notre Dame of course)– Just Hours Before Finding Out I Needed to Out of My House

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Give Me a Break! The French and Work

Now that I’ve fully adjusted to life in a new country after 10 days, I have been able to better notice the nuances between French and American culture, specifically in the realm of work. 

Based on the impression of my host mom and other interactions with my teachers and locals, the French see Americans as workaholics– always go-go-go, scrambling in work, big cities and skyscrapers offices, suits, etc. By contrast, Americans tend to often view French people as rather uninterested or unmotivated in work. As with most stereotypes and differences, the truth lies somewhere in the middle. 

During my time in France, I have realized that the French are not “lazy” in the workplace, but instead, efficient. The French people love their breaks–the people of Tours use their time away from work to relax in the Jardin des Prébendes, hang out with friends at the river Guinguette, bike on the Loire River, or grab a delicious dessert with their dinner.  Therefore, while they are at work, the French work well to complete their shift or objectives, and once the workday is over, it’s over. To me, it seems like a culture of “working for the evening” rather than the more American “working for the weekend.” 

Work is not their life, but instead a means to live their life. But they truly care about their work.

Just walking around Tours and visiting Bayeux in Normandy,  there are not the same number of large corporate stores and restaurants, but small and individual bistros, boulangeries, boutique hotels or small businesses. Even farmers’ markets spring up in parking lots every weekend! They care about their craft, and the French pour hours into producing products (especially food) that make their customers’ breaks that much more special. 

Maintenant, la pause pour moi!

Some of my favorite “breaks” I’ve had in France! (Top to Bottom)

Breaks in Tours– Biking along La Loire River; Visiting the Local Zoo; Bowling; and Visiting the Guinguette sur La Loire with my Classmates.

Breaks in Bordeaux: Shopping on the Rue Sainte-Catherine, the longest shopping street in all of Europe; Experience an Outdoor Weekend Market; Visiting the Park and Pushing the Carousel for children who wanted to ride!

Breaks in Bayeux: Watching the Champions League final at a pub with locals and visiting British. An awesome experience as a huge fan of European soccer!

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Post #5: L’Étiquette

Almost every night at dinner, even towards the end of my stay in France, my host mom reminds me of almost the same thing—the location of my forks on my plate after dinner. One of the first things that I leaned from my host family is proper table manners, which differ from American table manners. Growing up, my parents taught me basic table manners, like not to lean on the table, how to use my utensils politely, and to generally work from the outside in if I have multiple forks, spoons, or knives. As it turns out, in France, there are some differences, and manners are more complicated.

The basics: Napkins go on your left knee. Elbows go on the table during the meal. Leaving your arms under the table is rather rude; historically, it implies that you are hiding a knife. People never cut their bread. Baguettes are always ripped. When one is finished with their meal, the fork and knife rest with the handles sticking off the right side of the plate. If one finishes, but is not happy with their food or service, the fork and knife stick off opposite sides of the plate.

Without thinking, I tended to leave my fork and knife on the plate in such a way that insulted my host mom. But, I am slowly starting to remember to leave my fork and knife on the right side of the plate.

Speaking to my host family, it’s very clear that table manners in France are much more important in high society, compared to in the average person’s life. I would imagine it is the same in the US, as my host grandmother explained that when she visited the US for the first time, the differences in table manners were a big deal, since they differed so drastically. My host family has historical connections with French aristocracy, so I would imagine that this is the reason my host family put so much emphasis on table manners. The conversations about table manners make it clear that hierarchy and class differences are emphasized much more in France than in the United States. These “power distances” matter much more, and leave a larger impact on society.

My host family also explained that in recent years, there has been much less of an emphasis on table manners for the normal French person, and even for the upper class in day-to-day life. In that regard, society has become much more similar to American society. This demonstrates that the French are very pragmatic, and that society adapts its traditions, even though they have been historically strongly set in stone. Like the US, there is pushback to change, and there are valid concerns about whether or not things should be changed. But, when it comes to changing things like strict table manners, the French appear to be more open to change than I expected, generally more than in the US.