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Post #4: DIVE into Reflection

Below is my process of using the DIVE model for reflecting on a critical incident I encountered here in Costa Rica.

Describe: I was sitting in the living room with my host parents, my host sister Camille (another student visiting from France), and myself, and we were talking with my host mom about her 25 years of hosting students. She started to explain that her husband didn’t go to college and so his job “doesn’t pay well,” and that to supplement their income they started taking in host students. She explained how this allows them to also travel more, as when a student wants to visit a city within the country they offer to drive and find accommodations, and then the students help them with gas money and it ends up being much more affordable. 

Interpret: At first, I was a bit taken aback by my host mom’s bluntness in describing the situation, as my host dad was sitting in the room with us in the conversation when she said very straightforwardly that his job doesn’t pay enough for them to uphold a certain lifestyle level. My initial assumption was that this was a bit rude and also embarrassing to (a) talk about private financial matters with people who—although familiar—are guests and not family members or close friends, and to (b) so blatantly say that the breadwinner’s job is inadequate for the family in front of them. 

However, looking back, later in the conversation my host dad also joined in to describe how they traveled with students, and it didn’t seem like he was phased by my host mom’s description. So, it could be possible that in Costa Rica people are generally more open about their finances and financial situations than in the US, or just in general talk more openly about personal matters. 

Verify: I didn’t have the chance to discuss this specific incident with my host mom or another Costa Rican friend, but by talking with other students in my SLA cohort and through my own observation it seems that, in general, we’ve found that people have more openly shared and discussed stories about personal matters, family events and/or finances than what I would consider to be a normal level of confidence between acquaintances or new friends. 

Evaluation: Upon reflection, I’ve realized that although I have grown in my ability to step outside of my cultural assumptions to help me process events and interactions in my host culture, my instinctual, initial gut reactions to events are still very much based in the US culture I’m used to. I also realized that my host mom likely meant no offense to her husband, and simply wanted to share with us more details about why and how much they appreciate their host students.

After reflecting on this particular critical incident, I feel I am better equipped to identify situations when perhaps my cultural assumptions may cause a compulsory instantaneous reaction of uncomfortableness or unease; especially in instances of oversharing or overstepping my culture’s normal boundaries in physical space or in conversation topics. Now that I’ve recognized this about myself, I can be more aware in observing my host culture’s natural boundaries so that I can know when I am simply experiencing a cultural difference or when my own personal boundaries of space and topic are being overstepped, not just the boundaries I may be accustomed to in social settings.

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Oh, How Far I’ve Come!

Reflecting on my time studying abroad, I take immense pride in what I achieved, especially in conquering my long-standing struggle with anxiety.

In the days leading up to my departure for Siena, a wave of intense anxious thoughts had washed over me. These anxieties predominantly stemmed from knowing that I would be such a far distance from home. I am very close to my family, and I find an unparalleled sense of comfort when in their company. As a result, once I arrived in Siena, the separation between my family and I was deeply concerning for me. I could not immediately rely on my family during that exciting, but sometimes overwhelming, period. Furthermore, this anxiety was compounded by concerns regarding my Italian proficiency. To use my Italian skills in real-life situations was particularly nerve-wracking to me. I was feeling intimidated to speak Italian in the presence of native speakers. My communication skills have always presented a challenge, so I was apprehensive to speak Italian to those who have spoken Italian all of their lives. Because of these anxieties, the time leading up to my program was particularly challenging for my mental health.

However, to my relief, many of these anxieties and worries were swept away rather quickly. This was, in large part, due to the amazing group of Notre Dame friends I encountered in Italy. I quickly formed tight connections with many of my peers. These newfound friendships proved to be very beneficial, as they had provided me a source of comfort during my time away from my home and family. In addition, this group of friends had also encouraged me to break out of my comfort zone and engage in Italian conversations with others. We were able to support and assist each other when navigating situations where communication was necessary, such as ordering at restaurants, using transportation, and shopping at grocery stores.

My study abroad experience has now become a turning point in my life. It was proof that anxiety did not control me, and it could not prevent me from embracing this opportunity fully. Despite the initial struggles I faced, I adapted quickly to my new environment and found incredible support through my newfound friends. Their presence and encouragement helped me flourish, and I am immensely proud of how I managed to overcome my anxiety and make the most of this enriching experience abroad.

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Irish Hospitality

There is a common stereotype of incredible Irish hospitality. Truly, anyone who has spent time in the country will be made well acquainted with the concept. It is impossible enter an Irish household without receiving several offerings of food, lodging, and go leor cupáin tae. Kindness towards strangers and travelers is well integrated into the culture.

However, I was speaking with a woman from Dublin this summer who had an interesting perspective on this. She claimed that these hospitable offerings are made out of obligation, not out of generosity, and that accepting them may actually be deemed rude. She said that there is a societal pressure to offer that cup of tea, even if one does not want to give it. I’ve carried that notion in the back of my mind since coming to Gleann Fhinne. My Bean an Tí is constantly offering me food and drink, and I often decline in fear that she is only offering out of politeness. I’m coming to realize, though, that that Dubliner’s auto-stereotype is not applicable to the entirety of Ireland.

This week, I discovered that my language teacher is a sailor. Being an avid sailor myself, I struck up a conversation with him about it as Gaeilge. We got to talking for quite a while, and he ended up inviting me to sail in a regatta in Derry this weekend. He arranged a crew position for me as well as accommodation and travel. Sadly, the weather took a turn for the worse, and the commodore called off the race. However – his invitation was not an empty offer of obligation, but of genuine kindness and shared interest. He went above and beyond to get me a spot on a boat.

Again – I was visiting a friend staying at another house in the area, and his host mother offered me dinner. I tried to politely decline, as I was planning on leaving before dinner time anyway. She simply would not take no for an answer, though, and she made me a burger whether I wanted it or not.

The level of generosity I’ve received in the Gleann is astounding and inspiring, and I think it is a good case study on the nuances of cultural stereotypes.