DIVE into Reflection

My critical incident was a small interaction in an Uber. However, these interactions happened somewhat regularly. My friends and I got into the daily Uber to the coffee shop to do homework, however, the Uber began interrogating us about our religious backgrounds. He proceeded to tell us that we were wrong for practicing the religion that we did (while using slurs for catholic people in Arabic) and that because of this we were flawed people. Then, he said we must listen to the Quran and he played it on the radio for the remaining five minutes of the Uber Ride. My in-the-moment response was silence and disappointment. Obviously, I was not going to argue with the driver out of fear of what the retaliation would be. However, I was shocked by how close-minded he seemed to be. From this, I made the interpretation that the people who practiced Islam in Jordan hated anyone who practiced something else. This initial evaluation and interpretation did not reveal much about my cultural expectations because I felt like I did not have many in regard to the issue of religion, although maybe I should have. 

This critical incident definitely made me feel as if I didn’t belong or wasn’t accepted culturally in this country. After using the D.I.V.E. exercise I feel more sympathetic and less resentful to the man who said this to us. I don’t feel as though I missed anything when I describe the incident objectively, however, I do not always consider the religious climate of the country and the lack of religious diversity as well. If I considered these factors a bit more at the time of the incident, I may have had more of an understanding and acknowledgment that these beliefs were founded due to a lack of exposure to any sort of other religion or opposing viewpoint. Indeed, if I had never been exposed to any sort of religious diversity in my life I too would believe that the way I practiced religion was the only good way.

There was no way to really verify this incident. We did ask our professor what the words he used to decide Catholics meant in Arabic, and she did confirm that they did confer ill will. Using the D.I.V.E. exercise was helpful because it allowed me to dig deeper into the root causes of this critical incident and it helped put me at ease a bit more. I think I would use this again in the future to help keep my emotions in line and to fend against the formation of harsh stereotypes due to isolated incidents with people in cultures that are unfamiliar. 

Post #6 – Au Revoir !

I was scared before I left for Avignon. I was afraid that my French would not be good enough, and because of that, I was going to feel very isolated. Thankfully, this was far from the case. My time in Avignon was fantastic and will be a cherished memory of mine. In my six weeks, I’ve seen my French advance in a manner I could not have imagined. But I think the greatest aspects of my time in Provence were the people I met and the places I visited. One of my biggest takeaways from this trip is the importance of speaking to strangers. Some of the most rewarding interactions and experiences of mine came from speaking with strangers. Had I not spoken to the woman next to me on the train, I wouldn’t have had the experience of visiting her beautiful countryside estate. Had I not been willing to put myself in the initially uncomfortable situation of living with a complete stranger in a host family, I would not have received the incredible cultural and linguistic immersion that I did.

Study abroad isn’t just about learning a language or about a culture. Study abroad is ultimately about connecting with people you normally would not be afforded the opportunity to connect with. If we don’t seek to put ourselves in uncomfortable situations like immersing ourselves in a country that speaks a foreign language or engaging with strangers, we won’t be able to form these rewarding connections. Despite my fears going into the program, I was hoping that I would see myself open up a bit more and engage with strangers and uncomfortable situations. And I’m glad to say I’ve achieved this, and it made my experience in France all the more enjoyable.

#5 Final Moments in Madrid

I truly can’t believe my two months in Madrid has come to an end. These last 2 weeks in Madrid have been filled with gratitude and reflection, and I can confidently say this has been the most fulfilling, rewarding, incredible summer of my life. When I wrote my first blog post back in May I remember writing that I had no idea what I was getting myself into. All I hoped was that I would make a few friends, get along with my host family, learn to live on my own in a new city, and improve my Spanish along the way. I’m now leaving Spain with some of the closest friends I’ve ever had, a deep love for this incredible city, and a desire stronger than ever to continue working towards Spanish fluency. My heart is so full, and I could not be more grateful.

About two weeks ago was when it started to kick in that my time in Madrid is coming to an end. For so long it felt like I was just getting started. I’d finally gotten a hang of the metro system, I started to feel comfortable speaking to strangers in Spanish, and I was in a great flow with my classes. Then, suddenly, August 6 was two weeks away, and I realized there is so much I’ve yet to do in Madrid. I’ve spent the last two weeks going to every museum I could, exploring new neighborhoods and getting on random metro lines, and soaking in quality time with my friends. I just got back from a 5 day trip to Ireland, and I was shocked at how much relief I felt to be back in Madrid. Madrid genuinely feels like home, and it felt like a breath of fresh air to be speaking Spanish again and falling back into the daily routine I’ve had for the past two months. However, I was also shocked at how strange it felt to speak Spanish again after 5 days without it. It took almost an entire day to rewire my brain back to thinking, speaking, and listening in Spanish. This honestly scared me, because I’m now wondering how much of this progress I’ll lose when I go back to the US, and how I can make sure I keep integrating Spanish into my daily life. I’m lucky that I’ll get to continue my Spanish when I study abroad in Santiago, Chile in the spring, but my 5 days away from Spain was an eye-opening reminder that I’ll need to make a conscious effort to not lose all the hard work I’ve done this summer.

These final days in Madrid are so bittersweet. The mundane things that consumed my life for so long now feel so, so significant. When I got back to Ireland and was on my way to my homestay, I teared up on the metro. The people I shared commutes with for 2 months get to continue their lives here while I have to say goodbye to each and every little thing. I pulled out my journal and wrote down these thoughts: después de 5 días de distancia, olvidé que la vida continúa sin mí, y la vida va a continuar después de que me vaya. Que afortunados son de continuar sus vidas sin el miedo de que nunca volverán a ver estas calles.

There is so much about Madrid that I love that I did not expect to love. I love how everyone cares about each other in a way I don’t quite see back home. How the older couples in my neighborhood always stop to chat on their walks out, how el portero Joaquin and I joke about the heat every time I walk into my apartment, how the public transportation is calm, reliable, homey. How I became friends with the owner of the bar where I performed open mics a few times, just because I cracked a joke with him in Spanish and now he remembers me every time I walk in. How my lengua teacher, María José, wasn’t afraid to give me a big hug and kiss on the cheek and tell me she’ll never forget me on the last day of class. How the streets are clean and bright and alive, and how everyone gathers to Temple de Debod for sunset every night. I will always be grateful for this city, these people, and this adventure. Saying goodbye to Madrid and the amazing group of friends I’ve made here feels like one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but I wouldn’t change a single thing.

Sunset at Temple de Debod

My classmates Michael and Ceci, and Profe Ramón

Saying goodbye to my friends :,)

Watching one final sunrise from my homestay living room

Going deep during my first Spanish lesson

When I returned to Maximo Nivel this summer I was excited to learn that my morning private lessons would be with Alma, the same teacher I had when I was here in January. However, I also learned that I would have a new teacher: Arecely. I was excited to reunite with Alma and was curious to meet a new teacher.

I remember my first Spanish lesson with Arecely vividly because of how personal it was and how much she opened up to me right away. Shortly after basic introductions Arecely began sharing very intimate details about her life and family. I don’t recall if I asked a question that lead into this conversation or if she was the one who lead the conversation in that direction but I remember how stunned I was with how vulnerable she was being with me without knowing hardly anything about me. She shared everything from her experiences as a young girl getting pregnant and being pressured to get married and have more children, her divorce from her husband and experiences as a single mother, and her ex-husbands struggle with alcoholism until he passed away a year and half ago.

In the moment when Arecely was sharing these personal life details I was in a state of shock. I wanted to show my support and care for what she was sharing but I also didn’t want her to feel like she had to keep talking about these topics if they were emotionally distressing to her. I realized my limitations in the language in that I couldn’t express such complex reactions and emotions in support and care for her more than saying “lo siento” or “que triste/horible”. I began to question why she was sharing this information with me so quickly and what her motives were – did she want sympathy, to connect, to build trust, to explain herself? I wasn’t sure. My reaction revealed that I am a much more guarded person who shies away from being open and vulnerable with others from the onset and who needs more time and trust built to feel comfortable talking about my personal life and struggles.

In the moment I had difficulty processing all the information Arecely was giving me and I also felt very insecure with my ability to respond and react. I was overwhelmed by the information she shared. Looking back on the incident, I feel grateful that Arecely felt comfortable enough to share her story with me. Reflecting on it, I believe that being a young woman, just a few years older than her daughters, made Arecely feel like she could share with me the things that had impacted her life and made her the woman she is today with the beliefs she holds. Being women around mother-daughter age who spend 2 and 4 hours 1:1 together every day respectively, I definitely feel like my relationship with both Arecely and Alma is similar to mother-daughter relationship. Because we have private lessons we are able to speak more openly, share our real opinions, and go deeper with one another. I feel very lucky to have developed open and honest relationship with my teachers that are of course professional, but which maintain a more personal feel.

In looking back on the incident and describing it, I realize that Arecely was sharing who is, her story, and what is important to her (her family). For her, these things were simply facts and experiences she has had and I believe her intention was to tell me more about herself so I could get to know her better. While I generally find myself filtering quite a bit when I meet new people so as to control their perception of me, Arecely had no filter on her life and was being open and honest. Generally, I would say I have found this to be a common trend with the Guatemalan’s I have met, particularly when we are able to connect in Spanish. Alma has also opened up to me about the death of her father, her previous relationships, and her relationship with her family including a brother who she doesn’t speak to. She even often uses these personal experiences and stories as examples of different grammar rules in Spanish. Overall, I have found Guatemalans to be very open and willing/excited to share about their lives, family, culture, and beliefs.

Especially when traveling abroad and running into many small critical incidences a day, I think the DIVE exercise is a great one to use at the end of a long day or week to begin to reflect, unpack, and sort through those incidences to make better sense of them and increase our intercultural understanding.