Author: Mia Moran

Quite frankly, I am not sure if any notable critical incidents have occurred since landing in Costa Rica. Other than some differences, like how my host family spends a lot of time with each other and with their extended family versus my family culture of independence and cherishing downtime, nothing has really stuck out to me. 

Perhaps what has been more notable are the critical incidents that have occurred with the other people from the United States I have met here, than the Costa Ricans. It is actually quite funny to me that it is often when people are placed outside of their cultural norms that then makes aspects of their culture salient. While I’m in the United States, “American” culture isn’t as noticeable to me, but when you take those Estadounidenses into another culture, wow can I see it more. 

Initially at my home stay, there were two other girls staying here (who had been in Costa Rica for a week already) that were leaving the following week. Both were from the United States.

And it was the way they acted around our host family that frustrated and bothered me—the negative emotions that can sometimes rise from critical incidents. Granted they are simply two people and cannot single handedly represent whole cultures. However, their actions are still informed culturally in their upbringing. 

Respect culture was huge in my cultural background with my parents and Japan. Both hosting and being a guest requires high amounts of social protocol and consideration as not to further inconvenience or stress the host or the guest.

And so, the lack of effort these girls made to speak Spanish to our host family left me incredulous. Even a simple “gracias” or “buenos días” were all instead said in English. The girls snickered when trying new foods; did rock, paper, scissors to see who should finish the food; chiefly talked to each other when eating; and made comments about how they probably lost weight on the trip.

At one point my host mom had asked me if I thought that the other girls were enjoying the food because she couldn’t tell due to their lack of an effort to communicate with her (especially in Spanish) and that she wanted to make sure because this was something that mattered to her. That broke my heart. 

Trying to understand where the girls are coming from, perhaps they grew up in cultures where their actions wouldn’t be taken offensively or valued sharing opinions and thoughts candidly (maybe it qualifies as honesty?). Whereas for me, my familial and national culture always have heavily emphasised accommodating both as a host and as a guest. My mother always said, “this is not your house” (when a guest somewhere) “you cannot act as if it is your house.” 

Although I can see the merits and demerits to both sides (like that my cultural expectations can be more emotionally taxing and distancing in some ways), I also wonder if it can be helpful to have some judgements on these differences to determine what I prefer.

I’m not claiming that one culture is superior than the other, I think that different approaches suits different people better. But is there no value in recognising what people prefer? Or is this still my subtle way of having labels of “better” or “worse”? 

I’m uncertain.

Last summer, I worked as a resident volunteer at Hesed House, a homeless shelter in Illinois. And wow, did that experience shape me. I remember having zero expectations going into it, unsure what I would even be doing exactly. I just showed up. Once again, I find myself unsure what to expect for the summer—going into Costa Rica and learning Spanish—but I do know that I want to just show up and take it in.

Frankly, I am insecure in my Spanish abilities. In fact, it has been at least a whole semester since I really studied Spanish. Regardless, there is this deep desire within me to be at least colloquially fluent. There is something about language that is so ontological to someone’s identity that makes it so appealing for me to learn languages. And I want to understand people, take part in how their world is constructed through words. My friends, some of my best friends actually, are native Spanish speakers, and so learning Spanish has become a driving force within me. And I believe it would help me understand even beyond those closest to me. 

Back at Hesed House, I used to help with the laundry, folding blankets and sheets—sorting them. And there was this one resident who would always help. Estefan. Spanish was his first language and I remember wishing desperately in those moments that I was fluent. I remember feeling so thankful for his patience and consistent effort to communicate with me even as I shuffled words out of my mouth. I remember wondering how it must feel to be in a place where you couldn’t communicate in your mother tongue. 

Learning Spanish has not been easy. It feels like I’m trapped in my own mind. Stuck on the words, on the conjugations. I never learned a language that I didn’t grow up speaking (English and Japanese) until university. And it feels so discouraging at times. As if I am a baby with a fully cognitive adult brain. I know what I want to say. I know how I want to say it. Just not in this language… 

It makes me think with much humility how difficult it must be to emigrate or push yourself out of the comfort zone of your primary language(s). Admittedly, I have been a coward. I try not to raise my hand in Spanish classes; I try not to practice Spanish with my friends beyond the bounds of what I know. But I think language is so human in that way. In that, the only way to become fluent (at least efficiently) is to be around others who speak the language and to use the language yourself.

Costa Rica is going to humble me. And the homestay situation will ensure that I can’t hide away from this opportunity. So I am going to show up. I am going to confront the uncomfortable need to depend on others’ help and even come across unintelligible. And I hope if anything I will be able to accompany others.

I have never been to Costa Rica or Latin America in general. I recognise from the Intercultural Development Index I tend to be more polarising with my perception of cultures and when I’m not, I tend to be minimising of cultural differences. I grew up with two nationalities, Japan and the US, that I constantly compared and contrasted. The question is how can I balance differences and similarities of cultures effectively. And to what extent is it helpful to do so without judgement and to what extent is being aware of my judgements and preferences useful in understanding myself and others.

My hope is to come closer to an answer over my time at Costa Rica. For now, I plan to just show up.