Tag Archives: Friendship

The Final Curtain

April 2019, ,

Selwin Wainaina – Senior Anchor Intern, Multicultural Ministry

Coming in my freshman year, I would have never guessed that I would be this ready to leave a place that I have spent so much time devoting myself to. Like every place I’ve previously left where I was able to make life-long connections, laugh a lot, and take part in the community, I figured that the feeling of finally leaving the University of Notre Dame would be the embodiment of the Frank Sinatra song “My Way.” That I‘d stroll across the stage, the music would start, and as my eyes begin to swell with water I would begin singing “and now, the end is near…and so I face the final curtain. My friend, I’ll say it clear I’ll state my case, of which I’m certain…” This would be followed by numerous tears and embraces between me and my professors, friends, and mentors. This was the vision of my experience exiting this university. The only weird part is that… It’s not.

I wouldn’t say that my time here has been completely unpleasant, but it has had its fair share of challenges. There have been constant conflicts dealing with things like loneliness, depression, incompetence, mistakes, stress, anxiety, betrayal, and exclusion. My time as an actual student at this university has revealed that only certain people can fully gain the benefits and welcome of being a part of the broader “Notre Dame Community.” People often misquote 1 Corinthians 10:13 and preach that God will never give you more than you can handle. Well, I interpret the scripture very differently and have experienced first-hand dealing with conflicts and situations that I actually could not adequately handle. These occurrences have left me hurt and broken in so many ways and remind me of the point where Jesus is in the garden begging God saying, “won’t you take this cup from me!?” pleading for rescue from the misfortune that was to occur. But, as we have seen, his will is so much greater than our will.

Fall 2017 LFR Retreat

There is a song by VaShawn Mitchell that begins saying “there’s beauty in my brokenness.” I definitely believe these lyrics.  Through all of the trials I have experienced here at Notre Dame, I have grown and gained something beautiful. When I was excluded from one community I felt pushed to be a part of, I gained a new community and a true familia. From being betrayed and hurt by friends, I realized how to discern the people God wants in my life and the people who do not deserve to continue to be a part of my journey. From so many nights of stressing and letting anxiety get the best of me, I have learned to maintain peace through the realization that no matter what happens, God has me. And from experiencing exclusion and loneliness on this campus, I was able to gain true self-love and find those friends that will feed into me long after I graduate.

I believe that one of the greatest aspects of this university that I’ll miss the most are the friendships that I have made. Since I was younger, my favorite scripture, and someday tattoo, is St. John 15:13, “Greater love hath no man than this; than to lay down his life for a friend.” Friends have always been such an important part of my life, in some ways more than my family. These past four years have blessed me with great friendships who have fed me spiritually, emotionally, and mentally. Someone asked me the other day, if I could go back and have gone to another university instead, would I? These friends I made here are, sincerely, the only reason why I wouldn’t hesitate to take on Notre Dame all over again. I love these people and would give my life for each and every one of them.

Senior Anchor Interns Christmas Celebration

So, as I face my final curtain, I am tearing up with thankfulness that God has blessed me enough to attend the University of Notre Dame. It may not have been all sunshine and comradery, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world of growth and love that God has brought me into. “The record shows I took the blows…. and did it my way.”

Dedicated to my friends and loved ones here at Notre Dame:

I thank my God upon every remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine for you all making request with joy, for your fellowship in the gospel from the first day until now…

– Philippians 1:3-5

 

 

 

Overcoming Pride

March 2018, , ,

Mike Anderson, Senior Anchor Intern

“The day I thought would be the death of me was my saving grace.” – Luke Combs

This line from Luke Combs’ song “When It Rains It Pours” has in some ways become my mantra as I reflect on this semester. Coming back from Christmas break, I looked to close out my time at Notre Dame with a positive note, so I wanted everything to be perfect. It was all supposed to work out perfectly where I could finish everything on my Notre Dame bucket list, do fun things with my friends all the time, and finish off undergrad on the best note possible. Unfortunately for me, none of this came true. My semester started off with too much going on, some strained friendships, and nothing going my way. Rather than trying to work on my overwhelming stress and anxiety, I put on the “it’s fine, I’m fine” attitude, internalized all my emotions, and continued on my path. This just further perpetuated my negative feelings, putting more stress on my relationships and isolating me even more. Eventually, I broke down and thought it was the death of me. I completely lost it at the simple question, “Mike how are you?” The strong facade I had been putting forth for weeks had finally broken down and everything I built myself up to be – strong, independent, put together – was lost. It was difficult to admit that I could not do everything on my own and I needed help, but, as said perfectly by Combs, it was my saving grace. I finally started to seek the help that I needed to healthily work through the stress and emotions I had been internalizing. Upon further reflection, I realized that I was holding onto much more than emotions – I was holding onto my pride by trying to maintain the semblance that I could handle everything by myself and didn’t need help. In hindsight, it’s a laughable thought. I not only couldn’t handle everything myself, but I was surrounded by people who were more than willing to help me. Every person that I have talked to since I finally decided to get help said something along the lines of, “Mike you know that I was and always will be here for you right?” Yes, I did, but pride kept me from seeking the help I needed.

Mike bearing a storm with the support of his community.

What I know now is that this pride was also keeping me away from God. Throughout this whole time, my faith and prayer were suffering. I wanted to hide my feelings from everyone, including myself and God so I avoided things that would force me to face my emotions and be honest. I had put on this feeling that I could make it through by myself and did not need or want others or God to help me. As I reflect upon this time, I can see that there was plenty of times that people reached out to me asking if I was okay because something did not seem right. Every time I put on my mask of pride and said I was even though I knew I was not. Only through the death of this pride was I brought back to God and able to work on this relationship again. Rather than avoiding conversations that could lead to talking about my relationship with God, I have sought out meeting with people in order to improve my relationship. In this way, it was only through death that I was able to be brought back to life.

Mike’s community literally lifting him up.

As this Lenten season comes to a close and Easter fast approaches, we look for things in our lives that need to die in order for us to come back to life. For me, I needed to stop telling myself that I could do everything on my own and didn’t need anyone’s help. While I still continue to struggle every day with not letting my pride get the best of me, I always remind myself that I have a supportive community around me. While I might feel like I’m burdening someone by putting my emotions and stress on them, I have to realize that this is exactly what community was made for. And in an odd paradox, I actually found that by trying not to burden my community by keeping everything to myself, I was actually hurting it. The stress I was keeping to myself manifested itself in irritability toward my friends and a general sense of disconnect from everyone around me. This made it less likely for me to hang out and have an enjoyable time with my friends. It may not have felt right at the time, but I have now learned that bringing my problems to my community will actually help my relationships with others as well as with God. This is just another example of how the “death of me” has truly become “my saving grace”.