“The further you get away from yourself, the more challenging it is. Not to be in your comfort zone is great fun.”
Benedict Cumberbatch
Early on, I realized I was a pretty anxious kid, and that anxious kid grew into an anxious semi-adult who regularly struggles with a variety of fears and worries. One of my biggest struggles is the fear of facing the unknown – the new – and it is by far the biggest source of my anxiety. By now, I have made it a goal of mine to try and overcome this fear that has the power to stop me from a plentitude of opportunities and experiences.
A few months ago, I was talking to a friend who is also studying abroad soon and shares similar struggles with the new, and she said to me, “Here’s the thing, we are growing, and these experiences will be fundamental parts of our journey into adulthood. Shouldn’t we welcome our nerves and thank them for what they prepare us for?” I realized that she made a great point. Anxiety, despite how much we might not want to deal with it, is a major contributor to development. Without it, we wouldn’t have fears to overcome in the first place and no way to recognize the growth we achieve as a result.
With this in mind, I walked into the new year with a different goal in mind than just overcoming my fears; I wanted to walk hand in hand with them and use them as propellors for the actualization of my dreams. Going abroad and traveling beyond the borders of my home was at the top of my list, but it never seemed like a tangible dream. I grew up aware that money was hard to come by in my family, and although I knew that my parents would support me in any dream I could possibly have, I also knew I had a responsibility to stay alongside them as is traditional in my culture. The truth is, I have always been scared to leave them because I was raised in the comfort of my culture and immediate reality. I was anxious to stray out of the boundaries of my comfort zone.
How then, would I achieve this new goal of following my ambitions? The first step was to ask the one person who I am certain knows the answer to everything – my mother. She has never been one to sugarcoat things, and after I told her of my anxieties, she said to me, “Do you think I raised you to be scared? It isn’t money or responsibility that’s stopping you, it’s you. Get yourself together, and go for the things you want.” So I did, and thus I’d begun step two; I asked questions, did research, and told myself that anything was possible. I really wanted to go to Italy, so why shouldn’t I get the chance? I worked on believing that I deserved to actualize my aspirations and make real the opportunities I wanted to get. Before I knew it, I was presented with the resources I needed, and I felt the support of a multitude of people paving the way as I began this new journey.
It’s been a couple of months now since I have started preparing for my time abroad in both Siena and Rome, and it all feels so surreal. I go back and forth between the anxiety and nerves of being somewhere new and the excitement of realizing a goal that my heart has been set on for a long time. The transition is bound to be difficult and it will be a change from the comfort of the classroom, but the learning will be so much more fulfilling than anything a textbook can provide. I’m excited to have the opportunity to be immersed in a culture that I have respected and admired from afar for so long. I am looking forward to learning what students like me in a different part of the world experience, and I hope to understand the impact of their culture on those experiences.
During my time in Italy, I plan to develop conversational skills and learn about the colloquial language, making use of the basic language skills and cultural knowledge I have gained during my classes. Most of all, during my time abroad I want to learn to trust in my ability to be independent. I think I can discover a bit of the fun of life outside of the structure of my routine and outside of the boundaries of my fears. Hopefully in the coming months I replace my worries with the confidence that can only come from new experiences and self-discovery.